Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
