you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
time to smoke my breakfast
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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