Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
