oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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