You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
