I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
