Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
