I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
