so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
