maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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