So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
