I wish I could teleport
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
