So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
