I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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