just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just blew my weed a kiss
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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