I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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