look no pants
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
