But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
