My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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