we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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