Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
