O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
