I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
