I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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