the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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