Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
