i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
