No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize