I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
