mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
How's work?
Spinning.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
