Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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