He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
