I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
