Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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