If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
