i jhust puked up my retainher.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
