No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize