who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
no. you can't hotbox the world.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
