k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
