just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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