Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
