So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
