I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize