i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
