fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
