on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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