I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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