While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
