i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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