vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
