I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
