I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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