Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
