so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize