Heybabeimwearingurpanties
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
