Having a random hookup so left but love u
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
