wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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