I wanna passion pit in your ass
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
