I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
