They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
