There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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