Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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