I love black thongs
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
be right there i have to get my cape
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
