it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
