I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
