I like my sex mixed with concussions.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
