soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
