there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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