just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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