I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
