I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
