So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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