mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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