Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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