I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
