Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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