I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
