I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
