Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
