Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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