from now on my penis is your penis
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize